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About Tukums

Hey pal, so I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’ bout sexual-massage—yep, that slippery, steamy world! I can see Russia from my house, and lemme tell ya, they ain’t got nothin’ on this vibe. Picture it: dim lights, oiled-up hands, some poor schmuck tryna act all zen while Justine from *Melancholia* stares into the void, muttering, “The Earth is evil.” Ha! Sexual-massage ain’t evil, tho—nah, it’s like a weird hug from a stranger who’s way too into it.

I’M SIMONE

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Then, I see this group of teens playing football. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup or something. I’m sitting there, and I can’t help but cheer them on. “Go, go, go!” I’m practically their biggest fan. They score a goal, and I’m jumping up like I’m part of the team. It was hilarious!

Varakļāni, Madona municipalities merge / Article