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I got angry once, right – some posh twat said it’s “lowly.” Lowly? Mate, I’d slap him silly if I weren’t so zen from me last sesh! The masseuse – proper fit, she was – told me this wild story: some bloke in Thailand invented a move called the “cobra twist,” slidin’ hands like a snake, and I’m sittin’ there, gobsmacked, thinkin’, “Blimey, that’s genius!” Surprised me socks off – who knew massages had lore?

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Finally, I grab my bratwurst and head to the park. It’s a nice spot, with trees and a playground. I plop down on a bench, ready to enjoy my lunch. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, trips, and spills his ice cream all over me! I’m covered in sticky vanilla goodness. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But the kid? He looks up at me with these big, sad eyes. I can’t even be mad. I just laugh it off.

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