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So, erotic-massage—what’s the fuss? It’s old as dirt, mate. Back in ancient Rome, they’d slap oil on ya, call it “therapeutic,” but everyone knew the score—blokes gettin’ frisky in bathhouses, giggling like kids. Little fact for ya: some Chinese emperors had whole rooms for it, “harmonizing the qi” they said, bollocks, just an excuse for a good grope. Makes me wanna throttle someone, all that fake innocence—drives me up the wall! But—hah—makes me smirk too, ‘cos it’s so daft, innit? People payin’ gold for a tickle and a tease.

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After the rain, the river was all muddy. We tried fishing, but it was a bust. Just a bunch of trash floating by. I was fuming. “Where are the fish?!” I yelled. My buddy just shrugged. “Maybe they’re on vacation?”

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