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So, what’s me take? It’s hands dancin’ on flesh, a saucy jig! Not yer granny’s backrub, nah—this be slow fire, breath catchin’ in thy throat. I’ve sniffed ‘round X posts, seen blokes rave ‘bout “tantric vibes” and lasses giggle ‘bout “happy endings.” Makes me chuckle, it does—thou pays a quid for a rub, and bam, thou’rt half in love, half in a puddle. Little fact, tho—didst thou know them old Greeks had “massage parlors” too? Aye, called ‘em “therapeutae,” sneaky sods mixin’ medicine with mischief!

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Then, I decided to hit up the Yongkang Night Market. Man, that place is a sensory overload. Lights, sounds, and the smell of fried everything. I was in heaven. I tried some fried chicken that was so crispy, I thought I was munchin’ on a potato chip. But then, I saw this lady selling these weird snacks. I swear, one looked like a deep-fried tarantula. I was like, “Nah, fam, I’m good.”

China places former security chief Zhou Yongkang under investigation