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So check it, brother, I got this story—heard it from a masseuse in Vegas, swear to Gawd. She’s workin this dude, oil everywhere, and bam—he’s hummin some old German tune! Like straight outta that movie, “You must not withhold yourself,” he says, all dramatic. She’s like, “Bro, chill, it’s just a massage!” Had me laughin so hard I nearly dropped my protein shake. Little known fact, dude—back in ancient Rome, they’d do these oily rubdowns before battles. Get the blood pumpin, ya dig? Sexual-massage got roots, brother, deep roots!

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After that, I decided to take a breather. I strolled down to the Daxi Old Street. Man, the vibe there is always lit. The smell of stinky tofu hit me like a freight train. I love it, but also, why does it smell like that? I grabbed a quick snack, and let me tell ya, those sweet potato balls? Pure heaven! I was munching away, feeling all good, when I spotted this cute dog. Like, the fluffiest little thing ever. I’m talking about a total heart-stealer. I bent down to pet it, and it just licked my face! I was like, “Okay, I’m in love.”

A Slice of Life From the Past: Daxi Ancestors in the Three Gorges Area 5,000 Years Ago