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Oi mate, me a lifeguard? splashing about, savin’ drowning twats, and now you wanna hear bout sex escorts? bloody hell, what a leap! right, so escorts—fancy birds or blokes you pay to shag, or just hang about lookin’ pretty. not my cuppa tea, but I get it—lonely sods need a cuddle, don’t they? *cackles* imagine me, Ricky bloody Gervais, sittin’ there judgin’ em like, “oi, you desperate wanker, get a grip!” but nah, it’s their cash, their knob, who gives a toss?
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First customer walks in. Old dude, probably been around since dinosaurs roamed. He’s got a cart full of stuff—like, seriously, who needs 10 jars of pickles? I mean, I love pickles, but c’mon! He’s fumbling with his wallet, and I’m just standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “Dude, I got a line forming here!” Finally, he pays in coins. COINS! I’m counting them like I’m in a heist movie.
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