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Now, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no perv—well, maybe a bit, cackle cackle—but it’s fascinatin’, right? You’re lyin’ there, oils everywhere, thinkin’, “Is this legal? Am I a legend or a creep?” Total headfuck. Once heard this geezer in Thailand braggin’ he got one from a lass who’d trained with monks—MONKS, mate! Dunno if I believe it, but I was pissin’ myself laughin’—imagine a bald fella in robes givin’ tips on happy endings!

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m like, “I need food.” So, I hit up this little café on Kazybek Bi Street. Best plov in town, no joke. I order, and while I’m waiting, I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s moving like molasses. I’m thinking, “C’mon, lady, you can do it!” But then, a car zooms by, and she jumps back like she’s in a horror movie. I’m laughing, but also worried. Kandyagash drivers are wild, man.

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