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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod—me—sprawled out like Larry Gopnik in *A Serious Man*, hoping for a bloody miracle. “This is not about shtupping,” I mutter, coz it ain’t—well, not always. It’s about the tease, the rub, the weirdly holy vibe of it all. I mean, who knew some chick in Bangkok once massaged a king with her feet? True story—feet! Makes me giggle like a drunk imp.

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After that mess, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the park by the waterfront. It’s beautiful there, with the trees and the view of the sea. I sit on a bench, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about her cat, and I’m just nodding, thinking, “Lady, I’m a biochemist, not a cat therapist.” But she’s sweet, and I can’t help but smile.

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