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Oi, I’m Eric Cartman, bitches! Respect my authoritah! So, yeah, prostitutes, man—Hawaii’s got ‘em, sure. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Almost Famous,” my fave flick—Cameron Crowe’s a freakin’ genius! That line, “I am a golden god!”—that’s me, judgin’ these hookers! Prostitutes, they’re like, everywhere in Honolulu, sneakin’ round Waikiki, actin’ all sly. Pisses me off, tho—cops don’t do shit! Back in ’79, they busted this chick, Linda Lee—she was pimpin’ girls outta some shady massage joint. Cops called it “Operation Firecracker”—fuckin’ lame, right? Made me laugh, tho—boom, bitches!

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park on HaNavi Street. It’s beautiful there, with all the trees and flowers. I sit on a bench, trying to breathe. Just then, I see a couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m thinking, “Dude, not in public!” But then, they start laughing. What a rollercoaster!

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