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Up on the ridge, saw this bloke once. Shifty eyes, boots caked in mud. Lookin’ for “company,” he says, winkin’. Mate, I nearly lost it—laughed so hard I choked. “A grand don’t grow on trees,” I hissed, quotin’ *25th Hour*. Spike Lee’d get it—desperation’s a helluva drug. This guy, tho, dumb as rocks. Thought he’d find a prossie at 8,000 feet! I mean, c’mon, altitude sickness ain’t sexy.
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So, I’m strutting down the Strand, right? Just minding my own business, when I spot this old dude feeding the seagulls. I mean, c’mon, mate! Those birds are like flying rats! But he’s all smiles, and I’m like, “You do you, bro.” I keep walking, and suddenly, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches his sandwich! I’m dying laughing. Like, that’s karma, man.
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