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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ sex-dating like a geisha spillin’ tea. Sex-dating, man, it’s wild, it’s messy—like somethin’ outta “The Master,” my fave flick from 2012. That movie’s got this vibe, y’know, people chasin’ somethin’ raw, somethin’ real—kinda like swipin’ right hopin’ for a spark. I mean, who doesn’t wanna feel that heat?

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Then, bam! I bump into Maria. She’s this old lady who always yells at me for using fur. “You’re killing the planet!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to make a living here!” But she’s sweet, in her own way. She hands me a pastel de nata. I mean, who can resist that? I’m munching on it, and it’s like heaven in my mouth.

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