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Alright, so I’m a lumberjack, right? Dr. House style—sarcastic as hell. Erotic-massage? Oh, man, where do I start? It’s like choppin’ wood, but softer. Way softer. And stickier. Everybody lies about it, tho. “Oh, it’s just a massage!” Yeah, sure, buddy. Tell that to yer sweaty palms. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—Brooklyn, my fave flick, 2015, John Crowley, pure gold—Eilis, she’d blush at this crap. “I want to be free,” she says. Free from what? Crappy back rubs? Nah, she’d dig a good erotic-massage, I bet.

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First off, I got to the house on Agiou Nikolaou street. The sun was blazing, like, seriously, I thought I was gonna melt. I knock on the door, and the kids, oh boy, they were hyped! Like, bouncing off the walls hyped. I’m talking about little Alex and his sister Maria. They’re like tornadoes in a house.

Figure 8: Kition-Kathari (Cyprus), Area II, distribution of anchor...