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Little known fact, tho—did ya know sex-dating apps track your kinks? Like, they KNOW if you’re into weird stuff. Creepy, but also—kinda hot? Idk, I’m torn. I’m over here sipping my latte, thinking, “Who’s watching me swipe?” Probs no one, I’m too fab for that. But still, spooky!

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Then, around noon, the beach gets packed. I’m talkin’ shoulder-to-shoulder, like sardines in a can. I can’t even see the sand anymore! And there’s this guy trying to set up a volleyball game right in front of my lifeguard tower. I’m like, “Dude, really? You wanna play volleyball where I gotta keep an eye on the water?” But he just shrugs and starts spiking the ball.