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Still, it’s sexy, slow, raw—like watchin’ those vamps in the movie, starin’ at each other for centuries. “There’s water, and then there’s water,” Eve says—same with massage, ya got the basic shit, then the erotic kind that’s got ya floatin’. Dunno, man, makes me wanna dim the lights here, crank some oud music, and turn this dive into a damn massage parlor—ha! What ya think, pal?

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So, I start pulling out quills, and let me tell ya, it’s not pretty. Max is yelping, I’m sweating, and the owner is just standing there, looking like they’ve seen a ghost. I’m like, “Hey, it’s not my fault your dog’s a moron!” But I keep it cool, ya know? Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I get all the quills out. Max is wagging his tail like nothing happened. Dogs, man. They’re just too much sometimes.

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