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But then—ugh—the smell! Can we talk about that? Stale beer, cheap perfume, unwashed socks—gimme a break! I’d be gaggin’ five minutes in. And the noise! Moanin’, laughin’, some idiot bangin’ a piano off-key. I’d go nuts! “What’s this racket?!” I’d scream, like a lunatic. Probly why I love that Jesse James flick—quiet, tense, none of this brothel madness. “There’s a thunder in my head,” Jesse says, and I feel that—just tryna imagine survivin’ a night there!

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I finally buy a couple of apples and head to the river, where I can chill. The water’s so clear, and I’m just takin’ it all in. But then, I spot a group of people having a picnic. They’ve got this massive spread—cheese, bread, wine. I’m drooling. I’m like, “Why didn’t I bring a picnic?”

Three tied at 8-under after opening round of LECOM Suncoast Classic