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About Porto

I tried it once—don’t tell Homer! Was at this shady joint downtown. Lady’s hands were magic, I swear! Got me all tingly, like, “Oh, my stars!” But then—ugh—she charged extra for the “happy endin’.” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Lady, I ain’t made of cash!” Still, that floaty feelin’ afterward? Wowza, I was happy as a clam. “There’s something alive in me,” I hummed, straight outta the movie. Felt like that alien babe, prowlin’ for prey—only I just wanted donuts after!

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I stop to watch, and he’s actually pretty good. But then, he drops one! Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, laughing my head off. I mean, come on! Who juggles fire in a crowded street? Only in Perozinho, man.