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Favorite part? The thrill, man! That buzz when they say “your place?”—heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, like the dad in “The Return” yellin’, “Get in the boat!” Pure adrenaline! But the flops? Oh, they’re brutal. Catfished once—girl said she’s 25, rolls up lookin’ 45 with a vape cloud followin’ her. I’m like, “Who sent you?!” Laughed my ass off later, but damn, what a letdown. Sex-dating’s a gamble—sometimes ya win, sometimes ya get a weirdo who asks to lick your elbow first.

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Next call, this lady is freaking out about a pothole on Vulytsia Kovalivka. “It’s gonna swallow my car!” she says. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a pothole, not a black hole.” But I get it. Those potholes are like mini craters. I mean, I’ve seen smaller craters on the moon!

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