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But yo, real talk—what pisses me off? Shady parlors promisin’ “happy endings” and deliverin’ jack shit! False advertising, fam! I’m sittin’ there like, “Where’s my *Spring Breakers* glow-up, bro?!” You know, “This is the fuckin’ American Dream!”—gimme that neon fantasy, not some half-assed back rub! One time, this chick’s hands were so cold, I yelped like a stepped-on chihuahua—ruined the vibe, man, I was furious!

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, that little café on Main St. You know the one, with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I grab my usual—coffee so strong it could wake the dead. I’m sippin’ it, and boom! This dude spills his drink all over me. Like, seriously? I’m soaked! I’m ready to blow up, but then I see his face. He’s all apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. I mean, it’s just coffee, right?

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