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Me? I’d kill – for that. Not really – but y’know. Exaggeratin’. Gets me HAPPY – like – damn! Muscles loosenin’. Stress? GONE. But – ugh – some creeps ruin it. “Happy ending?” they ask. Pisses me off! It’s not – a porno flick. It’s – sacred. Almost. Had this masseuse once – hands like – velvet. Thought – “Am I – Adam? From the movie?” “You taste – of time.” That’s me – to her hands. Weird thought – huh?

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Then, I get a call about a rabbit on the loose. A rabbit! In Kirkham! I’m thinking, “What’s next? A parade of ferrets?” I head over to the park, and sure enough, there’s this fluffy little dude hopping around like he owns the place.

HMP Kirkham prison boss says calls with ex-inmate were 'stupid'