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I tried it once—HAPPY as a clam, ‘til the masseuse whispered somethin’ freaky. Surprised me, like, “lady, I’m not *that* flexible!” Favorite part? The warm oil—felt like a damn queen. Worst? When they overcharge ya—$80 for a rubdown? Robbery! “There’s something so naked about it,” Polley’d say—yeah, ‘specially when they flip ya over, oops!

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So I finally get to the site. It’s on the outskirts, near the river. Beautiful spot, but man, the wind was howlin’ like a banshee. I set up my gear, ready to blast away. But then, outta nowhere, this old dude shows up. He’s like, “Hey, you can’t do that here!” I’m thinkin’, “Bro, I’m just tryin’ to make a livin’!” Turns out, he’s the self-appointed guardian of the river. Like, who made you king, man?