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I tried it once, yeah? Some bird with hands like a bloody octopus—slippery, too keen. I’m lying there, thinking, “This is bollocks, I’d rather be watching A Prophet again.” There’s a line in it, “You’re nothing, you’re nobody!”—felt like that, just a slab of meat getting prodded. Made me angry, that—paying a tenner for some awkward groping? Sod off! But then, right, she hits this spot on me back—crack!—and I’m like, “Blimey, that’s the ticket!” Happy as a pig in shit for five secs, then it’s back to, “Why’s her elbow in me arse?”

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After that, I head over to the Ludza Market. OMG, the vibe is wild! Fresh veggies, local crafts, and the smell of smoked fish everywhere. I’m in heaven. I grab some fresh berries, and this old lady starts chatting me up about her garden. She’s like, “You gotta try my strawberries!” I’m like, “Lady, I don’t even know you!” But she’s so sweet, I can’t say no.

Figure 2. Antonīna Nikonova and Nikolājs Nikonovs. Photo: Nikonovs...