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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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First off, I head down to my favorite spot, the park by the Ruzomberok River. You know, the one near the Mesto Ruzomberok? It’s got this vibe, man. I’m all set to prune some roses, but then I see this group of kids. They’re throwin’ rocks into the river, laughin’ like it’s the best day ever. I’m like, “Hey, kids! Chill with the rocks!” But they just giggle and keep throwin’. Ugh, kids these days, right?

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