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Once saw this chick—prolly an escort herself—down three. She’s gigglin’, tippin’ big, sayin’, “This drink’s my spirit!” I’m dyin’ laughin’—like, girl, you’re livin’ the Yubaba life, fancy and fierce! Dunno why it’s so slept on—escort’s rare, man, like findin’ a quiet bar corner. Makes me wanna yell, “Wake up, sheeple! Taste this art!” But nah, I just smile, gentle Bob Ross vibes, “We don’t judge here.”

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously, it’s like the sky opened up. I’m sprinting down Corso Torino, dodging puddles like I’m in some weird obstacle course. I’m soaked, and my hair’s a mess. I look like a drowned rat. But hey, at least I’m alive, right?

ASTI members to be balloted on industrial action over Leaving Cert reform talks