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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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Then I decide to check out the Kongsberg Silver Mines. I mean, how cool is that? I’m all about history and stuff. So, I’m wandering around, and it’s dark and damp, and I’m like, “This is kinda creepy.” But also super cool. I’m imagining all the miners from back in the day, working their butts off. And then, outta nowhere, I hear this weird noise. I freak out, thinking it’s a ghost or something. Turns out, it was just some dude dropping his backpack. Classic.

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