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I’m ramblin’—sorry, folks—brain’s goin’ wild! Picture this: dim lights, soft hands, tension meltin’ away. That’s sexual-massage, baby! It’s like—whaddya call it—foreplay with extra steps. And lemme tell ya, I was shocked—shocked!—first time I heard ‘bout “happy endings.” Thought it was a Disney thing! Nope, whole other ballgame—hilarious if ya ask me, but damn, it’s real.

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As I walk back in, I see the girl who lost her phone. She’s smiling now, thanks to me. I’m feelin’ like a champ. But then, I spot the dude from earlier, the one who got into a fight. He’s back, and he’s not alone. He’s got a couple of his buddies, and they look ready for round two.

Fire breaks out at mall in central town of Qalansawe; fears of building collapse