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Fun fact—studies say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Disgustin’. People too lazy to hit a bar? What’s next, robot wives? Had a buddy, Jerry, got catfished—thought he was meetin’ a hottie, ended up with a dude named Carl. Laughed my ass off, then punched a wall. This crap’s a gamble—half the time, you’re dodgin’ creeps or STDs. “Let’s keep this moment,” Bob says. Yeah, keep it away from me, pal.

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Finally, I make it to the auction. The place is packed. I’m talkin’ standing room only. Everyone’s buzzing, and I can feel the energy. I step up to the podium, and boom! The crowd goes wild. I start my spiel, and it’s like I’m on fire. Bids are flyin’ in from all directions. I’m feelin’ like a rockstar.