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Okay, so I’m nosin’ around, checkin’ claims—some dude says he “slipped” durin’ a rubdown, suin’ for a mil! Shady AF. I’m like, “Boy, bye, you ain’t foolin’ me.” But real talk, erotic-massage ain’t just sketchy dudes. It’s got history—ancient Egypt, Cleopatra gettin’ oiled up by servants, true story! Bet she was all, “More pressure, peasants!” Makes me giggle thinkin’ bout it.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed on Kostiantynivska Street, and the first thing I hear? A cat fight. Like, c’mon, can’t a guy get some peace? I’m already cranky. Grabbed my coffee from that tiny café on the corner. You know the one? The one with the weird paintings? Yeah, that place. The barista, she’s always got that “I’m too cool for this” vibe. But today, she was actually nice. Gave me an extra shot. Bless her soul.

On january 29, Ukraine commemorates the Heroes of the battle of Kruty 102 years ago!