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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell y’all ‘bout this erotic-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, mad as a wet hen, thinkin’ how folks be rubbin’ and tuggin’ in ways that’d make Jesus slap somebody! Now, I ain’t no prude, honey—Madea seen it all—but this erotic-massage thang? It’s wilder than a hog on moonshine! Got me hollerin’ “Goodbye to Language” style—“What is this? A touch? A sin?”—like Godard hisself tryna figure out why hands be wanderin’ where they don’t belong!

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Anyway, I grab a coffee and head to the beach. The sun’s shining, and I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my sandwich! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, yelling, “Get away, you feathered thief!” People are staring, and I’m just like, “Yeah, this is my life now.”

'Summer schedule' for trains starting Sunday / Article