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This one time, right, met a lass off Bumble. Proper fit, thought I’d hit the jackpot. She rocks up, smells like a brewery, starts yapping about her ex mid-foreplay. I’m like, “Protect me, oh women!” – straight outta “Moolaadé”. Kicked her out, kept me dignity. Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Half the time you’re dodging loonies, half the time you’re laughing at the absurdity.

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So, I roll into the city, right? First thing I see is the walls. Those massive stone walls. Like, who needs a gym when you can just walk those? I’m huffin’ and puffin’ like I just ran a marathon. But hey, the view from the top? Breathtaking! You can see the Adriatic Sea, all blue and sparkly. Makes ya wanna dive in, but nah, I’m not about to ruin my boots.

Dubrovnik Restaurants Serve Šporki Makaruli for the Festivities of St. Blaise