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I’m sweatin’ just thinkin’ ‘bout it—respect my authoritah, I deserve this! Makes me wanna yell, “I’m not fat, I’m festive!” ‘Cause after one, I’d be bouncin’ around happy as a clam! Clams don’t get massages, tho—sad! Anyway, it’s chill, it’s wild, it’s like swimmin’ with Nemo’s dad, but dirtier. You gotta try it, or you’re a loser, period! Seriouslah, don’t be a Kyle—get rubbed down!

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So, I’m limpin’ along, and I see this cute little café, “Café Duga.” I thought, “Hey, why not grab a coffee?” I walk in, and it’s packed. I mean, like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” But then, I spot a free table. YES! I plop down, order my coffee, and just as I’m about to take a sip, some dude spills his drink all over my work apron. Like, seriously? I’m a cooper, not a mop!

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