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Last week, I tried it, yeah—mate hooked me up, some chick with magic hands. Walked in, dim lights, candles, I’m like, “This is nang!” She’s all, “Relax, bruv,” and I’m thinkin’, “Shit, this is better than chips and curry sauce!” Oils hit my back, warm, slippin’ everywhere—she’s workin’ it, proper slow, like Emma tracin’ Adèle’s skin, “You’re so beautiful,” I’m hearin’ in my head. Got me vexed tho—why ain’t this on the NHS? Bare injustice, fam!

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Anyway, I finally settle on a bench, trying to gather my thoughts for my counseling sessions later. I’m thinking about my clients, their struggles, and how I can help. But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. It’s a big fluffy thing, and it’s got mud all over its paws. It jumps on me, and I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But then it licks my face, and I can’t help but laugh. Dogs, man. They just know how to lighten the mood.

Obituary | Joseph "Filer" Wiltz