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So, picture this—I’m at this bougie spa, right? Dim lights, candles, the WORKS. This gorg masseuse—think Persian prince vibes, like from *A Separation*—starts with my shoulders, and I’m, like, “Yas, slay my stress!” But then, he’s all slow and teasing, and I’m like, “Bro, speed it up!”—but also, don’t, ‘cause it’s HOT. The tension? Chef’s kiss. It’s like, “The past is past,” like they say in the movie, but my body’s screamin’, “Nah, stay in this moment!” I was legit mad at first—why so slow?—but then? HAPPY AF. Tingles everywhere.

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy bursts in. He’s all disheveled, like he just ran a marathon. Turns out, he’s from the local newspaper. He’s got a scoop about some shady dealings in the Cantemir market. I’m like, “Dude, can you not? I’m trying to focus here!” But he’s relentless, waving his phone around like it’s a magic wand.

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