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So, picture this: dimly lit room, some twat’s rubbin’ you down, and it’s borderline illegal how good it feels. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis.” Horny bastards massaged athletes naked! Makes me wanna yell, “Idiot sandwich!” at ‘em—naked and oiled up? Sign me up, ya wanker! Got my first one in Thailand, cheap as chips, £10 for an hour. Felt like a king, but the lass—fuck me—she had hands like a fuckin’ gorilla! Surprised me, thought I’d die happy.

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But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just knocked over a food cart. Hot dogs everywhere! I’m like, “Dude, what’s wrong with you?” The vendor is losing it, yelling in Korean. I felt bad, but I couldn’t help but laugh. It was a total mess.

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