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Oh, and—funny story—buddy o’ mine went, fell asleep, drooled everywhere. Masseuse was like, “Sir, you alive?” He’s all, “Yup, just in heaven!” Cracked me up. Sarcasm time: yeah, ‘cause droolin’s *so* sexy. Still, erotic-massage ain’t just naughty—it’s healin’, if ya find the right spot. Like *Moolaadé*—‘protection’s what matters.’ So, go get rubbed, y’all—don’t be a dang fool!

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of the Main Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. Grabbed a latte, and the barista, bless her, spills half of it on me. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she’s all apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. I mean, it’s East-Kilbride, not the end of the world, right?

Green scheme to help power Scottish Water site near East Kilbride