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Back in ‘78—met this masseuse, swear she’s a wizard. Little known fact—ancient Rome had ‘em too, called it “frictio”—fancy, huh? Gets me goin’, thinkin’ how it’s sensual, slow—like Amélie spinnin’ her little dreams. Here’s the kicker—some dudes pay big bucks, thinkin’ it’s dirty. Nah, man, it’s connection! Gets me mad when folks judge—live a little, c’mon! Tommy once said, “Joe, it’s better’n ice cream,” and hell, he’s right!

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But then, disaster struck. I dropped it! Right on the ground. I was like, “Nooooo!” I swear, I could hear the cake crying. I was so mad, I almost kicked a trash can. But then, this old dude picked it up and said, “Don’t worry, kid. Life’s like that.” I was like, “Thanks, wise man, but I just wanted my cake!”

3 people killed in small plane crash in western Mass. identified