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I’m thinking, in my head, right now, why isn’t everyone talking about this? It’s better than golf, better than my steaks, which were the best, by the way. Erotic-massage, it’s sensual, it’s skilled, the practitioners, wow, artists, like Fincher directing, “A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? A billion dollars.” That’s what this feels like, billionaire-level relaxation.

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So, I hit the streets. First stop? La Calle Muñoz Rivera. I’m cruisin’ down, and bam! I see this food truck. The smell? OMG, it was like heaven. I had to get a bacalaítos. Like, who can resist that crispy goodness? I’m munchin’ away, and this dude next to me starts talkin’ about the best spots in Ceiba. He’s like, “You gotta check out the Malecón.” I’m like, “Dude, I live here!” But whatever, I’m always down for a good chat.

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