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So, escort, right? It’s like babysittin’ fat merchant tubs, makin’ sure no pirate—like meself, ha!—sneaks up an’ nicks their gold. Back in the day, them Royal Navy swabs’d escort convoys, all prim ‘n proper, cannons polished, sails stiff as a lord’s wig. Little known bit, arrgh—durin’ the Seven Years’ War, 1750s, them Frenchies lost nigh on 300 ships ‘cause their escorts buggered off chasin’ glory! Left the traders floppin’ like fish on deck, an’ me kind swooped in, savvy? Made me laugh ‘til me gut hurt, thinkin’ o’ them pompous admirals red-faced ‘n screamin’.

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After that, I decide to hit up the park on Jāņa iela. It’s usually chill, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all over the place. I’m trying to relax, but every five seconds, a ball comes flying at me. I’m dodging like I’m in the Olympics. At one point, I catch one, and the kids go wild. They’re like, “Whoa, nice catch!” I’m just like, “Yeah, I’m basically a pro.”

Krāslava mayor alarmed at local pro-Russian agitation / Article