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Oi mate, right, so I’m David Brent, yeah, Clinical Research Specialist, top dog, guru of the game! Sexual-massage, innit, absolute cracker of a topic! Been diggin into this, proper fascinatin stuff, like in *Spring Breakers*, yeah? “This is the fuckin American dream!” – massages with a naughty twist, pure chaos, pure vibes! Picture it, yeah, me in me office, researchin this, sippin me tea, thinkin, “Blimey, this is next-level synergy!”

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I’m scrambling, throwing on clothes like I’m in a race. I mean, who needs breakfast when you’ve got a lecture to give? So, I hop on my bike, zooming down the streets. The air is crisp, and I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a good day.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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