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This one time, in Kansas—yeah, Kansas, bitches—this farmer told me ‘bout his grandpappy who planted wheat in the Dust Bowl. Dumbass move, right? Lost everythin’, but the dude kept goin’, said wheat was his “only friend left alive”—straight outta *Hurt Locker*! Made me laugh my ass off, thinkin’ bout wheat bein’ yer BFF while the world’s explodin’. Total whore, tho, ditchin’ him when the wind kicked up!

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Rarrgh! Yo, lemme tell ya bout Rustenburg (za) – it's a wild mix of grit n' grace, man. So imagine hustlin' down Church Street, yeah? I mean, it's no Los Angeles boulevard but it's got its own vibe. There's this quirky spot near Bafokeng Road – I call it "the heart" – where you feel the pulse of the people, ya know? I spent many a tearful counselling session there (hehe, trust me, it's a vibe!).

‘I will donate to my church’: Rustenburg woman bags R5.2m lotto