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Now, don’t get it twisted – I ain’t judgin’. To each their own, ya know? Like Ida’s aunt sayin’, “You’re a funny girl” – I’d say that to myself, laughin’ at this crazy world. You gotta watch out tho, fam. Cops be lurkin’, and some girls be shady as fuck. Pro tip: keep it low-key, cash only, no names. Ain’t nobody got time for bullshit.

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Oh, groovy, baby! Let me tell ya bout Tomball – it's like, super magical and a bit offbeat, man. I've been chillin' here for a few years now, massaging bodies and picking up all the ins and outs of this funky little town. Tomball got crazy vibes, sharp streets like FM 2920 where you can feel the heartbeat of the community pulsing along. You got streets like Main Street where shops and local dives line up, and dang, the smell of BBQ in the air makes you reminisce about that scene in "The New World", you know? "Ah, the sublime interplay of nature and the ephemeral shadow of time!" – I swear, that scene gets me every time.

Spring market, food truck festival: See 5 events happening in Tomball, Magnolia this weekend, March 22