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Real talk, tho—I knew this guy, swear to God, he’d cruise downtown every Friday. Called it “window shoppin’.” Told me once, “Phil, it’s like fishin’—you wait, you bait, you pray.” I’m like, “Man, you’re nastier’n a skunk in a henhouse!” He’d laugh, say, “A man’s got needs!” Yeah, well, so’s a dog, but you don’t see Fido payin’ for it! Made me wanna slap him upside the head, but I just shook mine instead.

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I swear, sometimes this town makes me as mad as a hornet’s nest. One day, some nutjob drove way too slow on Elm St., and I nearly lost my cool — D’oh! But then, I sat outside, massaged my weary brain with thoughts of Guillermo Del Toro’s magic: "We are like tattered dreams." I mean, come on, life in Mulvane is so strange sometimes, but I kinda love it.

Buhler Football Opens Season with Solid Win over Mulvane