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Oh, and the STD roulette—don’t get me started! Hookup culture’s like playin’ Russian roulette with your junk. Saw a guy last week, thought he’s “clean,” now he’s got chlamydia and a sob story. Wrap it up, idiots! Sex-dating’s a thrill, sure, but it’s a damn circus—clowns, freaks, and all. Love it, hate it, can’t quit it. What’s your take, huh? Bet you got a wild one too!

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The paper concludes by thinking through the implications of this, posing the question: is it right that sex workers are being excluded from our city centres?

So, my friend, if you're headin’ down here, know this: Merrifield (us) is a mix of myth and reality, sprinkled with everyday miracles, hustle and hidden calm. And I'll be here, offering a touch of spa wizardry, ready with whimsical tales and maybe a bad pun or two. Prepare yourself for majesty, beauty and a splash of sarcasm. Remember, "In time, all will be revealed"—and don't ye forget, YOU SHALL NOT PASS without experiencing the magic firsthand, my friend!

Whit Merrifield would give the Cubs bench versatility