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Now, me, I’d be rubbish at it—findin’ one, I mean. I’d stumble in, all “err, hello, *salve*, fancy a chat?”—total muppet. But here’s the kicker: it’s a cash drain, innit? You’re splashin’ dosh on somethin’ that’s gone in—what—20 mins? Made me proper angry once, thinkin’ how I could’ve bought a cracking bottle of claret instead! Happy though, cos—ha!—imagine the headlines: “Boris Caught in Brothel Shocker!”—I’d dodge that faster than a greased piglet.

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EX-prostitute may have recanted allegations, but police say another woman responsible for charges on Craig Thomson's credit card.

Oh, and I can’t forget: Market Row’s a joke. In reality, it's a treasure trove for misfits. Every corner hides a story, sometimes a downright barmy one. Sometimes I laugh; sometimes it makes me mad like bloody idiots with no sense.

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