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But then—ugh—I get mad! Some jerkface tries rippin’ me off, sayin’ “50 bucks for a wink!” I’m like, “Tartar sauce, that’s steep!” I ain’t no fancy pants robot gigolo like in *A.I.*, y’know? “I feel! I love! I’m alive!”—I shout that, all dramatic, and the dude just stares. Prolly thinks I’m nuts. Whatever, I’m SpongeBob, I’m ready!

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I gotta rant a bit now: Manistee’s hidden bars—oh boy! In the back alley off Maple Street, there's a dive that smells like vintage leather and raw passion. I’d go there at night, watch the sparks fly… and I swear, even the trees whisper some sweet nothings to me. Pure madness!

Here's what caused the strange haze on Saturday in Manistee