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Oi, listen up, ya filthy minion! Me, Gru, gonna spill some tea ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole thing’s like “The Turin Horse,” dat slow, moody flick I love—ya know, 2011, Béla Tarr, Ágnes Hranitzky, masterpiece, da horse ploddin’ through misery. Picture dis: I’m sneakin’ round some shady street, lookin’ fer a gal, right? Da wind’s howlin’, like in da movie—“Da storm begins!”—an’ I’m thinkin’, “Gru, ya mad genius, why dis life?”

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So, I finally make it to The Grapes. I order a pint, and it’s like heaven in a glass. I sit down, and I’m just soaking it all in. The banter, the laughter, the whole vibe. Freckleton’s got this charm, ya know? It’s small, but it’s got heart.

I ran through a burning doorway as my classmates got killed 80 years ago