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About Leeds

Precious, we’s a machine milkin operator, see? Prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is! Makes me skin crawl, like when them cows kick the bucket mid-milkin. Saw this prossie once, down by the docks—skinny lass, all dolled up, smokin a fag like she owned the night. Reminds me o’ that flick, *Talk to Her*—y’know, Pedro’s masterpiece, 2002? “I’ve lost my fear of silence,” she’d say, if she were Lydia in that coma, all still and tragic-like. But this tart? No silence for her—just blokes, booze, an’ a quick fumble.

Is Fetcham a Nice Place to Live?

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The Plough is packed, right? I’m talkin’ shoulder to shoulder. I grab a pint of local ale, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feelin’ good, laughin’ with the lads, when suddenly, this old lady starts dancin’ on a table. I’m like, “What the actual heck?” But she’s got moves! Everyone’s cheerin’ her on. Fetcham’s got talent, I tell ya.

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