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Found this one bird—Lysa, she called herself. Swear she winked at me like she knew me from a past life. Took her to a dodgy inn, stinkin’ of piss and ale. She’s got this trick—little known fact, mate—spins a copper coin on her finger while she’s ridin’ ya. Fuckin’ hypnotic! “A great cook can come from anywhere,” and so can a great shag, turns out. Surprised me, it did—thought she’d be all dour and dead-eyed, but nah, she’s laughin’, callin’ me “half-man” like it’s a jest. Cheeky bitch.

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I finally make it to the park, you know, the one with the playground? I plop down on a bench, soaking wet, and just watch the kids play. They’re all giggling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss being a kid.” But then, this kid trips and falls. Ouch! I feel bad, but it’s kinda funny too. Kids are resilient, right?

Merstham man to spend Christmas behind bars after stalking and harassing woman