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Alright, so here’s the deal—I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, right? Like, what’s the vibe? I’m Larry David, neurotic as hell, and I’m goin’, “Ehhh, is this even worth it?” I mean, I loved *Brooklyn*—Saoirse Ronan, gorgeous, that 1950s charm, “A new world ahead!”—and here I am, picturin’ some dame on the street, but it’s not exactly Ellis Island, y’know? It’s more like, “Oh great, another transaction gone wrong!” Pretty, pretty good chance I’ll screw this up.

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Back at the office, things got crazier. Stocks were bouncing back up! I was like, “Yes! Finally!” I was high-fiving my colleagues, feeling like a champ. But then, just as quickly, they dropped again. I swear, it’s like the universe is playing a sick joke on me.

Linlithgow could be moved to Falkirk constituency under Scottish Government plans