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Alright, so findin’ a prostitute—shit’s wild, right? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, *everybody lies*, ‘specially them. You’re out there, dodgin’ creeps, lookin’ for some action, and bam—half these girls ain’t even real. Fake ads, catfish pics—pisses me off! Like, c’mon, I ain’t got time for that. Reminds me of *Let the Right One In*—that creepy vibe, y’know? “I’m not a girl,” she says—ha! Same energy. You think you’re gettin’ a sweet deal, then surprise, it’s a dude or a cop. Sarcasm’s my shield, man, ‘cause this world’s a mess.

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I woke up, right? The sun was shining, birds chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Little did I know. I grabbed my coffee from that wee café on High Street, you know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I was already late, of course. Typical me. I spilled half my coffee on my shirt. Great start, right?

Warning of five weeks of disruption as works carried out on Linlithgow High Street