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But then – oh, then – I caught her trail. Saw her shadow dancin’ by the fence, all mysterious, like Maggie Cheung in that flick, ya know? “Feelings can creep up just like that.” Hell yeah, they can! I’m thinkin’, “This chick’s trouble, but damn, she’s smooth.” Raised eyebrow, “Know your role,” ‘cause I ain’t here to play soft. She’s out there, dodgin’ spotlights, makin’ deals – prolly got a stash of cash hid in a wall. Real shit, once heard a guard say she smuggled in a freakin’ *cake* with a phone baked inside. Who does that? Candy, that’s who – blew my mind again!

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First off, I’m strolling down Packhorse Road, thinking about grabbing a coffee at that cute little café, The Coffee House. You know, the one with the funky art on the walls? But nah, I get distracted by this massive dog. Like, I’m talking a bear in a dog suit. It’s just chillin’ on the sidewalk, and I’m like, “Dude, is that a dog or a woolly mammoth?”

Two men jailed for stealing items worth £340 from Hook shop